What does it take to build a healthy relationship? Where can you meet someone? How do you set boundaries, stay safe, and know when a relationship is right for you? These were just some of the questions explored when the RI Cross Disability Coalition’s Speakers Bureau brought its “Dating 101” presentation to students in transition at Ponaganset High School.
With a PowerPoint presentation providing a starting point, Speakers Bureau presenters Tanja Blicker-Ucran and Christina Battista led a lively, interactive discussion with members of the school’s LIFE program (Learn and Experience Life Skills, Independence, Fun and Employment). The students, who are transitioning toward adulthood and are up to age 22, were enthusiastic participants, eager to share their own experiences, ask questions, and offer plenty of personal anecdotes. Having just returned from a swimming outing at the YMCA and a birthday celebration featuring Oreo cake, the group was ready for an engaging conversation!
Tanja and Christina began by introducing themselves and providing background on the RI Cross Disability Coalition, its meetings, programs, and ongoing educational opportunities. Christina, a Peer Support Specialist, also introduced the Coalition’s new Peer Support Program, a pilot initiative that connects individuals through shared experiences and offers support in areas such as employment, money management, and personal goal-setting.
She explained that what was formerly known as an Individual Service Plan (ISP) is now called a Person-Centered Plan (PCP), which focuses on an individual’s goals and the supports needed to achieve them. Participants learned that peer support can be specifically requested as part of their plan and is separate from Direct Support Professional (DSP) hours. Christina shared that peer support was not an opportunity available to her when she was in school, making this new resource particularly meaningful.
The Coalition also hosts quarterly meetings featuring a variety of topics and offers an expanding Speakers Bureau program. Presentation topics are shaped by feedback from members and continue to grow to address the interests and needs of the community.
Where Can You Meet Someone?
With introductions complete, the conversation turned to the big question: Where do you meet someone you might want to date?
The answers came quickly. Shopping centers, community festivals, religious organizations, clubs, work, online dating apps, and introductions through family and friends were all part of the discussion. One participant even heard how Taylor’s parents met at a mall!
The presenters and students exchanged stories about meeting friends, boyfriends, and spouses, while also acknowledging that not every setting is appropriate for every situation. When it comes to meeting someone at work, for example, it’s important to be mindful of workplace expectations.
Online dating brought up another important conversation: safety. Participants recognized that meeting people online can sometimes be frightening and that getting to know someone in person, in a safe and appropriate setting, can be an important part of building trust.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
When asked what qualities they would look for in a relationship, the students had plenty to contribute. Respect, honesty, shared interests, trust, good communication, a sense of humor, and mutual interest all made the list.
Perhaps most importantly, participants agreed that a healthy relationship should make you feel good about yourself.
The group also explored different types of relationships, from casual dating and companionship to long-distance and long-term relationships. They discussed how long-distance relationships can be challenging and how different relationships offer different experiences and expectations.
Understanding Boundaries and Staying Safe
One of the most important parts of the presentation focused on boundaries. Tanja and Christina explained that boundaries are personal guidelines that help people feel comfortable and respected in their relationships. They can involve physical space, time, and emotional needs.
So, how do you establish boundaries? The discussion emphasized the importance of communicating openly, expressing how you feel, listening to the other person’s boundaries, and recognizing that you should never feel pressured to accept something that makes you uncomfortable.
The students also shared their thoughts on the dos and don’ts of a first date. Their suggestions included:
•Meet in a public place.
•Start slowly and take your time getting to know someone.
•Avoid sharing too much personal information right away.
•Choose a casual setting where you can talk, such as a coffee shop, park, or restaurant.
•Keep the first date relatively short and comfortable.
•Be mindful of your surroundings and the person you’re meeting.
One participant summed up the message beautifully: “You deserve healthy, happy and safe.”
Being Yourself and Making Personal Choices
Another important topic was whether and when to disclose a disability when dating someone new.
Christina shared her personal approach, explaining that she chose to get to know someone first but disclosed her disability before meeting in person. She also pointed out that disabilities are not always visible, and everyone has to make their own decision about when and how to share that information.
Tanja and Christina reinforced an important message: Your disability is part of who you are, but it does not define you. Being comfortable with yourself and finding someone who appreciates you for who you are is what matters.
The discussion also opened the door to an interesting idea from Nicole Miale, Transition Coordinator from the Foster-Glocester Regional School District, who mentioned an organization interested in hosting a speed-dating event. She offered to explore the possibility of organizing an event specifically for adults with developmental disabilities, suggesting a daytime gathering for young adults ages 18–25, with appropriate support and safety guidelines. She emphasized the importance of creating an environment where participants could meet others within an appropriate age group and feel comfortable.
It was an idea that generated interest and may offer another opportunity for meaningful social connections.
The Conversation Continues
As the discussion continued, students and presenters exchanged personal experiences, stories, and advice. One participant offered a final reminder that resonated with the group: “You gotta be mindful” when it comes to dating and choosing a partner.
By the end of the presentation, the participants were already looking ahead. They expressed interest in exploring other subjects offered through the RI Cross Disability Coalition’s Speakers Bureau.
And perhaps the best advice of the day came from the collective wisdom of the conversation: Find someone you feel comfortable with, someone you can talk to, and someone who respects you. The more opportunities you have to meet people and build connections, the more likely you are to develop safe, healthy, and meaningful relationships.
The Dating 101 presentation was about more than dating. It was about communication, confidence, self-advocacy, personal choices, and understanding what it means to be respected in any relationship.
That’s exactly what the RI Cross Disability Coalition’s Speakers Bureau is all about: creating opportunities for people to learn from one another, share experiences, ask questions, and build skills for greater independence and inclusion.
